Chapter 34 Finding a New Home For My Fur Baby Why would anyone ever leave a place like San Diego? Perfect weather, golden sunsets, and cool coastal breezes are just a few of the many amenities for which this city can boast. But even paradise has a cost, and by the year 2000, the price becomes impossible to ignore. It all starts with the Super Bowl. It was 1998 and it had been ten years since the game was held in San Diego. That year both teams were from cities known for

Chapter 33 Finding Myself   It is the spring of 1995, and the air is warm and heavy with the scent of freshly flowering hibiscus. The bold fiery blooms of the bird of paradise appear ready to take flight, only to be kept grounded in pastel painted adobe pottery throughout the city. The cloudless sky is painted a permanent shade of postcard blue as San Diego shimmers in the sunlight. Careless shadows dance on stucco covered walls as the palm trees sway

Chapter 32 San Diego, One of My Happy Places San Diego will always remain one of the happiest memories I carry with me. Strangely enough, I never heard much about the city. By the mid-90s, its once-held popularity had faded. The sports teams weren’t making headlines, and the city didn’t seem interested in selling itself as a tourist destination. I had no idea of the vibe, the people, or the community, if it even had any. But all the mystery was part of the draw. As I bo

Beneath The Creole Stars Update!!! Over the past week, I’ve been diving into final edits for my upcoming...

Chapter 31 The Nice City That Never Felt Like Home I spent over a year in San Francisco. It is a city full of charm, fog, and coffee shops on every corner to ensure you never lose that morning buzz. I enjoyed the nightlife, the sense of community, and of course, the hook-ups . There was always something, or someone, to do. Which, ironically, became the problem. You hustle all week just to hand your paycheck over to your landlord, PG&E, and Safeway. If you find yourself wit

Chapter 30 San Francisco   You might assume that a major tourist destination like San Francisco, much like New Orleans, would have bars that stay open 24 hours. Surprisingly, or perhaps thankfully, that is not the case. However, some bars only close for a few hours to allow the staff to clean up before welcoming the next wave of patrons. Carl kept track of rental listings for me and found one I could barely afford. I knew I would have to find a job im

Chapter 29 Don't Look Ethel   A flip of the coin. Is that how I decide between San Francisco and San Diego? No, I wish. That would certainly make for a better start to the story. But the truth is, the decision is made based on how San Francisco handled the AIDS crisis. "Why not New York?" you might ask. As I’ve said before, I honestly don’t think I would have survived there or even would be alive today had I chosen that city. I have a history of making re

Chapter 28 I have Never Been to Me For as long as I can remember, I have been defined by what others expect me to be, never having taken the time to ask myself: Who am I? What do I want? What would make me happy? I have spent years adjusting, adapting, and becoming versions of myself that are easier for the world to accept. But in doing so, I have lost the ability to recognize the real me. As a child, you do not understand the complexities of life or the mine

Chapter 27 New Orleans              Laissez les bons temps rouler                    Let the good times roll There is a lot of time to think while driving to New Orleans.  I have three long hours to sift through memories regarding certain choices and mistakes I have made in my past. No one knows of those errors in judgement, and I can once again start anew. Excitement buzzes through me. The Crescent City never sleeps and is known for a festi

Chapter 26 Restless and Bored It has to start somewhere. I have spent too many years teetering on the edge of change, staring into the abyss, paralyzed by fear. But there comes the moment when certain lines are crossed, when the weight of the past becomes an unbearable burden too heavy to carry for even one more step. The self-imposed pressure of it all pushes me to my breaking point. All it took was one final, hateful remark from just the wrong person. Th

Chapter 25   The End of The Journey?   When I was young, the idea of starting fresh in a new city thrilled me. I thrived on the challenge, drawn to the unknown, eager to uncover what made each town and city unique. The mystery of tomorrow fueled my dreams, and the fear of what lay ahead made me feel alive. I traveled across this vast, beautiful country, embracing life with open arms. In San Francisco, I witnessed love in its purest form. I was in awe, men and w

Chapter 24   Dewey   Dewey loved Richard until his heart stopped beating. I’ve heard people say, “I will love you till the day I die,”  but I never thought it could be true, or reasonable. After a breakup, the healthiest thing to do is move on, right? Not for Dewey. He loved Richard with a devotion that never wavered, even after Richard moved on, even when it became clear that love would never again be reciprocated. In Dewey’s eyes, Richard woul

Chapter 23 The Love That Never Died People enter our lives for reasons unknown, some to teach us lessons, others to leave marks so deep they never fade. For Dewey, love was not a fleeting whisper but a force that endured, leaving both him and Richard forever changed. Richard introduced me to Dewey Buckley in the spring of 1987. At first glance I found him to be unremarkable. There was no denying he was a well-educated man who carried himself with the quiet confi

Chapter 22 Same Sty, Different Pig Though my afternoon had been a difficult one, and I once again find myself homeless, I am thankful for one thing that is going right in my life. I have met a cute older man who says he loves me. He teaches classes at Belhaven and seems to be happy when we are together. Ah, the blissful ignorance of youth, the way we stumble through life, believing in people, love, and the possibility of a “happily ever after.” But it all soo

Chapter 21 That Nigh t   Richard and I had been dating only two months when my roommate moves a new boyfriend in to share his room. Rick immediately dislikes me. Maybe it was out of jealousy, maybe paranoia, but whatever the reason, he convinces Ted that I need to go. I come home to a verbal eviction notice delivered not by my friend, but by a stranger who has known Ted for only a few weeks. Though I try explaining I have no interest in Ted other th

Chapter 20 The First of Many Detours The short, slightly disheveled man with the poorly dyed mustached and I shared a quiet lunch, he ordered a burger and fries, and as promised, I, a slice of pie. We didn’t speak of the "incident," and for that, I was grateful. Instead, we talked, getting to know each other as well as you can within the thirty-minute time frame allotted. I learned he was originally from Chicago, having moved to Jackson to attend Millsaps Coll

Chapter 19 Richard   Allowing my Sicilian temper to overpower my common sense, I now live a lie every day. Ted deserves better. Fifty dollars a month, that’s all he asks me to contribute to food, rent and utilities, and for now, I can manage my responsibilities. But come December, that changes. I refuse to be a charity case. So, it looks like I’ll be living in my truck soon. I wonder if I’ll have room for a Christmas tree, I chuckle inwardly. Hu

Chapter 18 The Incident There comes a time in life when a decision presents itself, one of those rare and unexpected moments when fate steps in to help shape your future. At twenty-two, with no concrete plan and a fierce commitment to “make every day count,” I was living life on my own terms. This Monday starts like any other until an elderly woman, self-righteous and unyielding, demands that I pump her gas. We are indeed a quickie mart, but that is

TRIGGER WARNING ADULT CONTENT MENTIONS OF SEXUAL AND PERVERSE THEMES EXPLORING THE RAW TRUTHS OF GAY LIFE IN THE MID-1980'S Chapter 17 A Bona Fide Fool   My ignorance shines through with each passing day as I adjust to life in Jackson Mississippi. For someone who thought they knew it all when they were younger, life is sh

Chapter 16   Jackson, Mississippi The man I have been seeing convinced me to move to Jackson, telling me I can begin anew here and explore a side of myself that I had been forced to keep suppressed for many years. The allure of reinvention was too strong for the nomad within me to resist. Moving to the capital city seemed like the perfect escape, but reality proved far more complicated. Adjusting to a new roommate and balancing work while dating a married man